Justice!...Served Cold.

Whew. I'm home and the weather just doesn't love me. But I'm dealing. I currently have been looking around for any communities on here. And I am pleased with those I could find. Sweet! I think I'm just going to make a few of my own, I guess. I don't see some that I need. I'll be making those sometime here. I'm craving RP but no one to actually do it with. Blast!

I came across one of my family along from Palace on Yahoo the other night. He's such a sweety. Just turned 15. He's so young but cute. I don't mind him at all. We talked a bit last night and now some today. I'm just waiting now for my dear to come back from working on something for a final. I need to start working more on that one fiction I'm currently on. I love it for some reason. Alex's torment of the mind is fun.

I don't know what to say. I've just been a bit off busy around at my mother's. It's not like it was last time I came here. But this is the last week here for now. There is talk of going to FL in June to visit my one cousin who lives there. She somehow is still friends with this one guy who can get us all in for low and super passes for the rides. We have May before June. Once more for Y!Gallery, it has stooped so low to delete another of my fictions from its site. You fucktards! I mean -- seriously! I haven't had time to get it over to save it. Luckily the first one they did this to was saved -- I think. Also my second one was all because of a damn icon! ICON! How can anyone still post now?! It wasn't much of Nazi shit before now. But since all this shit, Nazis... Fucking pricks.

I've been keeping up with The Tudors. I watch it on-line since I don't have Show Time here at my mom's. The latest one was SO sad. I cried along with Henry. I felt so bad because Jane was the best things that has ever happened to him and he loved her. She did so much good for him and Mary. She even gave him a son. But it was truly sad to find out his own mother too had that fever like Jane had. Now that she is gone, I know shit is about to hit the fans. No one really could ever take Jane's place. Henry has a son and a kingdom to run as well. This will be interesting. No one really stands up for Mary but Jane and now she's gone.

I need to go find food. Talk at you later.

Alex staggers to reach his ankles and remove the straps as quick as he can. What if something was coming for him? A few rooms down you can hear the door open with a shriek. Muffled cries of the patient in there could be heard. Suddenly a sound of flesh ripping down at the ends is heard with a splatter of liquid which in this case is blood. The man was still alive as he screams out in pain. Alex moves off the bed and grabs at a small box of matches. He lights one and looks around the room noticing that something -- something wasn't right. Nothing was! What the hell happened to the white room?! It was deformed and corroded with dried blood along the walls. The bed... He didn't want to go into that. He reaches the door noticing the smeared bloody hand print along the door's window as he struggles to open it with one hand. The match soon going out burning his finger tips. Alex bites on his tongue to hush any noise that dares to speak out. Alex opens the door slowly and peers out to see a path of blood along the stained dark floor. He lights another match and begins to quietly move down the hall.

He peeks into a room across from his as the door had been ripped from its hinges and a body torn in half hangs along bloody meat hooks with chains. The face was stuck in an utter mortified manner. Alex gulps back spit and his cries of disgust. He thought this was supposed to be a normal hospital. A soldier wounded and now recovering... "Oh my -- Oh my god. What on earth did this?" He mutters silently in horror.

Alex musters the strength to press on as the chaotic symphony of sounds echo within the halls. Doors' hinges ripped off as doors were no more supported. Alex staggers down the bloody hall looking at each room of the tortured souls in the rooms. He stops at another noticing the intestines ripped from the body and splayed across the wall with nails. He reads along the wall below the intestines 'May God Have Mercy.' He lowers his head and shakes the scene away. The next room had a body hanging fully on a chain as blood was being drained from the wrists and ankles. When the body turns slowly to face Alex's way he notices the chest cavity ripped open by force and not -- not tools. Organs were all over the floor as the heart had been sliced in half and splattered. Alex steps away from the room as he holds his stomach. His match falls to the floor and is snuffed out. Darkness surrounds him and shadows his form well. The wretched stench of blood covers the halls and every room. Alex had to get out of here...

A voice can be heard down the hall a long ways back. "FORGIVE ME! PLEASE! SPARE! SPA -- !!" Blood curdling screams comes from that way as it sounds like ripping of bones. Then there was nothing more.

Alex shivers and shakes the fear off of him the best he can. He needed a weapon and fast! What if he could not make it out alive! He has to for his sake and finding his brother. Lighting another match, Alex rushes and stumbles down the hall as he moves. The bloodied floor makes it quite hard to steer yourself and move easily at that. Every room he passes a body is torn apart and words written on the walls. This is just enough to make a man go insane or worse. Alex didn't know why he was in there in the first place. Once again, his mind has pushed the truth out to put in something false as those dog tags hang from around his neck on the chain. His father's... The sound of the metallic chaos begins to fill the halls as another poor soul is lost to judgment. The wounded soldier rushes now as he finds the stairs and moves within the darkness. Pale bits of lights and his matches help find his way down each flight of stairs to the first floor.

"Please... Just let me live. Let me live!" Alex pants faintly as he cries to his self.

~~~~~~~~~~~

He snaps out of it suddenly back to the store. Tears stain his pants as he looks to the floor. One night of hell that was how it was for him in that place. He knew he saw his brother there though... Two nights after the hell he went through he saw Josh. Alex was shaking from the horror and the pain. The bag of chips have fallen to the ground before him as he stands there. Memories. He hated some and loved others. Alex knows that this is part of his painful punishment for killing his brother. Reliving in his mind the past times he was put away in that institute. It made you sick. Alex looks out at the fog covered streets as the many creatures patrolled it. He was right though -- can't just sit here and let the being with the pyramid shaped helm get to him. He rubs at his eyes and removes tears that fall. He could never forgive his self and forget about Josh. When he fought with the final boss and opened up the stomach to see his dead brother there before him. Alex goes through his emotions and shakes his head.

"I was lying to myself. Why did I believe I was a soldier and making dad proud? How could I remove that night from my head?" He whispers within his hands as hides the shame and his face. Josh meant so much to him and Alex loved his brother and wanted to be looked up to. His judgment must have been he loved too much. His crime is murder by accident.

Onward to the outside from the cozy little hole he made for the time being. Alex grabs the gun and looks down the street. He would run towards the houses in the area. Maybe one would be good enough for him right now. He takes long strides down the sidewalk and fires at any possible creature that dares to oppose his move to get to where he was going. Images of Josh make him stop and look back behind him and to each side. Alex has to continue and not stop of fear of being caught. The town was already cut off now from any possible hope for him. The only way to survive your hell is move within it. So what if you were condemned that way to wander and hope he didn't come to give your death to you... Alex starts to jog down the road now turning pass the graveyard and down another street. He could see figures of houses up ahead and hopefully one he could crash inside for a while. Figures all around move in the dense fog and you couldn't make it out until the moment of impact. Alex darts off towards the houses and makes sure nothing is around when he picks a random home.

Unloading a few bullets into a random creature he sighs and moves towards the front porch. "If I have to live this for the rest of my eternal soul, so be it... This is for you, Josh." Alex moves within the house and shuts the door tight before plopping on the dusty old couch of the abandoned house. Outside is a war going on -- his war. Alex lays back along the couch and looks to the ceiling deep within his thoughts.

His shakes with tears now falling again. Nothing could save him now for his brother probably hates him now as he thinks. The sounds of the creatures slowly moving out on the streets keep him from wandering in thoughts too far. Alex remembers his judgment can come at any minute.

~~~~~~~

The blade pointed right at his chest as the being instructs him to become one as the judgment. Forever to be the ones to judge those of sin and cruelty. Alex looks at it confused but notices two others coming up and beginning to put the large half of the pyramid helm on over his head as this is their judgment to him. Another Pyramid Head carries the other half and they close in. Alex eyes widen before the darkness covers his vision and he is submerged into the state of being like something going dormant. Life would end and begins a new as it frightened him to what he would become. They close the helm around his head and he submerges with a new form. No longer is Alex human and alive. He stands with the same features as the other two and somehow looks at what he has become. The two stand at both sides of him with a gloom to their positions.

Another scene would be -- would be his ankles and wrists being pulled with chains on each side and a Pyramid Head turns a crank as the other draws out a wicked looking saw from the ceiling. The two work together on bringing the judgment to him. Alex struggles and cries out in utter shock and horror. The feeling of near death makes the hairs on the back of his neck stand on ends. His heart pounds as the saw draws closer. No one would hear his cries and pleas to make it stop. Make it all stop before the end! The saw comes down and starts from between the legs and would cut through the body to the head. The organs would be hanging out and eventually exit the body as he would be slit in half.

Alex shakes his head and making his self forget about those. He was sick in the head! Alex can't believe he is even beginning to think such things. A hand rubs at his forehead as he sighs shakily. "My god... Would they do it to me? Kill me like my father..." He questions silently in distress.

He stands from the couch and moves over to a wall that hold pictures of this family that lived here. It was a nice quiet family. It had a mother, father, two daughters and a son. But then he thinks on it and sighs at that. The first girl would be the one that got sacrificed for the fucking Order. Stupid people who formed this place! Because of them -- Alex didn't really get to know his family well. The town was cursed to do this sick act to please some unknown God. Alex wonders if getting out of the hospital was even wise. Another picture has the kids playing in the park near his home on the swings. They look so happy just playing along. Another picture had only two in there... The one girl was missing and the two looked so distant now. Alex bites his bottom lip and lets go. He reaches over and reads the backs.

"Megan, Franny, Steven at the park." Alex reads on at their ages. "This one is where Megan was only ten." He looks at the other without her in it and reads. "Franny at age seven. So -- this was taken a few years after the first born was killed. This is -- is sick..." Alex puts the picture down and walks into the vacant kitchen to peek around.

He takes a look in the cabinets and shakes his head at seeing nothing in there. A dead man needs no food anyway... Alex walks along up the stairs and peeks inside each room. There was the girls' room. It still has everything from when they all were here. He takes up a doll and shivers at the thought of when the doctor was killed by his daughter's doll. Scarlet was an ugly thing. Alex drops the doll instantly and looks at a few other things. He notices a journal on a desk and picks it up. Skimming through a few pages he stops on one in particular. This must be Franny's journal. The sounds did not even sound joyful in it.

Alex swallows back some spit as his throat is growing dry. He reads the entry quietly. "Dear Journal, Today is a sad day. My mom and dad say that Megan needed to go see the doctor. They don't know when Megan will be back. Mom looks a bit odd today too. I remember Megan wasn't even sick last night. What are mom and dad doing behind our backs? It's one in the afternoon now and no sign of them. Steven grows worried and is crying now. I don't know what to tell him. I hope Megan is okay! " He stops and looks down at the lower half of the page. "Dear Journal, It's now five in the evening and the car is just now pulling up. I'm sad. I don't know what to say because there is no Megan. Megan... Mom is looking rather sad and maybe it's fake. I don't know! She said Megan passed away. Megan wasn't sick... Megan..." The entry ends there. Alex puts the journal down and frowns. "She was snuffed out..."

Alex takes up a picture to see the two girls together playing dress up. Even if it wasn't his own he felt the sadness and hurt by this. How could any loving parents do such cruel things to their children? It didn't matter if it happened to be the first born. He puts the picture down and walks out of the room. Brown eyes skim over to the boy's room and looks in. For a moment he froze as he thought he saw Josh sitting at the boy's desk with the back turned. Alex reaches a hand out barely before the image fades into nothing. He walks over to see a picture. The boy drew a picture of the older sister in water and it has her name over it. Did this really happen as her death? He remembered the mayor telling him that she snuffed Elle's sister out with a pillow to the face. Those sick people! Even the doctor did something to his girl! He knew it had to be the doctor.

~~~~~~~~

"You know what they say about the lake?" Alex looks out to the lake with his brother at his side.

Josh looks at the lake and listens carefully to his brother. "No. What?" He tilts his head and looks to his brother.

Alex smiles to Josh and ruffles his hair gently. "They say that the souls of those who could not be saved are down in the waters. Maybe that is why dad doesn't want us going out. But I'm not afraid." Alex says stubbornly as Josh looks to him with concern.

Josh shakes his head at his brother and looks into the water from where he stands. It can't be true about the waters of the lake. He looks closer to see if he could see anything in the water. The two brothers just enjoying a quiet afternoon without their father to pester and push Josh away from Alex. The older sighs softly and stretches arms in the air. He grabs a soda from the small cooler and tosses it to Josh. The younger brother catches it and takes a sip as he looks to Alex. Alex wasn't afraid of much then as he acts cool to show his brother. He leans along the railing and looks at his reflection. Josh looks off into the distance to see barely on the other side. Silent Hill... Their father told them never to go into the lake or across to the other side. Something about the town was cursed over there. Back then Alex only thought it was some ploy or joke. He gives Josh a noogie and laughs.

"Looking at yourself in the water, kiddo?" He teases Josh giving a laugh.

Josh looks to him and sticks his tongue out. "You were too!" He leans close and hugs Alex a bit. "Why does dad have to keep us apart?"

Alex hugs and pats Josh on the back lightly. The older teen giving a confused look at that. "I have no idea, Josh."

~~~~~~~~~

Alex sighs softly as he comes back from memories once more. He knows now why their father did such. Distancing him from everyone and making Josh be the favorite. It wasn't till the end when the two finally started to open up to Alex. Then he saw his parents love for him. Alex shakes with anger and hurt as he holds his head. His family life was shit but he couldn't help but to love Josh. His brother was important to him and even if their father pushed him away... Alex had so much he wanted to teach Josh and let him learn. Older siblings do that at times. He couldn't when Josh was dead to the world. The images of him plaguing Alex and his tortured soul. The older brother doomed to be here and take the punishment when it could find him.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Nurse, I don't know what to tell the family. He continues to call out for a boy that died not too long ago. We'll have to keep him longer." The doctor says to the lady in white who nods in return. "Let's give him some sedatives to calm his rattled nerves."

Two stronger males come up and keep the straps pulled tight around the arms and legs. The lady in white leans over close to Alex as he struggles to refuse this treatment. The lady injects the liquid within the syringe into Alex's bloodstream. "It'll all fade away soon, Mr. Shepherd. Just let the medicine do its job."

Alex struggles with the liquid in now to keep awake. Everything around him begins to blur and sounds begin to shift into this slow sound of deep voices. Eventually Alex was in a good state of sleep. The doctor and the others walk out of the room and lock the door with poor Alex in his room still strapped down. The straps were too tight as it cuts into his arms. Eyes shut but mind still fights the medicine. Nothing could get him down. Footsteps quietly fade into the sound of silence as the people in the halls go on. Alex once again is left with his solitude of guilt. Yet he forgot about it as his mind dumped the truth into the lake that night. In the mental institute there is nothing but silence that could grasp the room. Alex's eyes fight within the lids and he struggles to even try to keep back tortured memories of what could possibly even have happened. His arms twitch and his brows move. Outside in the halls he hears the screams of the other inmates of this hellhole. People who claim they too are sane and only lie to skin a nurse or doctor. Alex knows something just didn't seem right though. Sure they look and act nice right now but what happens when the lights go out? Alex hears screams and cries of other inmates that could make your blood run cold.

Chains rattle and flesh can be heard ripping along as people cry out. "DON'T LET HIM GET ME! I'M INNOCENT!"

Alex forces his self to wake up in the middle of the night with lights off and nothing but moans and screams can be heard. He struggles against the tight restraints to move away. A faint glance out the room's window as another patient is drug away by something. Eyes widen as he sees a bloody palm press to the window and smear off. Alex about yells out as well in horror. His heart now ten times faster at pounding against his ribs. What the bloody hell was that?! He doesn't care how painful it is to his arms or legs. If that was coming for him, Alex did not want to be here to have that happen to him. Veins begin to bulge as he pulls with his might and skin begins to tear with each time. He tries to keep silent with everything even with the new found pain seeping in. He hears the terrible sound of cries and agony from down the hall. Patients were screaming and crying out for help. Why isn't anyone helping!? He continues to pull and tug with all he has. Blood now is seen as he has tugged enough through raw skin and the arm where the straps are on is tender.

"I got to get out of here! I got to get out... Where is everyone?!" Alex exclaims frightened and unnerved. His mind races to the worst thoughts ever as he pulls and finally with enough blood along one arm slips free of a strap. Alex begins to remove the other strap. What was that sound? Liquid along the floor dropping into a puddle. Alex grabs around for a possible flashlight. Something needed to light his way. He was in the dark!

"GOD! GOD, HELP ME!" Screams patients all along the hall. People rattle the doors from the inside and others scratch along walls. They didn't care if nails were ripped from their fingers.

A Wounded Soldier


By: Alex C.






How many can tell the length of their mind's wandering? A mind that may look innocent but in reality it turns cold and shrivels up into nothing. That is what they say... No one can be exactly sure they are sane or in the right mind. Those of Shepherd's Glen thought that same thing... They're just fooling their selves into the cruel reality of the darkness. Damning their own lives to a cruel fate. Where does this tale of horror and woe take place? It takes place within that town but farther in... To get to the problem you have to examine and go back to the place it all started. Silent Hill.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The winds howl along outside of the dank little shopping center within the town of Shepherd's Glen. The fog continues to grow thicker and it is hard to see within the fog. Alex had made a small bedding along in the run down shop while he waits out a little. Rest is what he needs but when you stop your mind goes on. Alex could not think of anything but his brother. After all he and Josh went through... After all he has tried to do to be a good brother and yet... A simple ring could drive a man to 'kill' his own family member. Alex stirs in his restless sleep as the wind blows and taunts his sleep with whispers of his name. It threatens him with the hints of judgment. Such a cruel thing to do right now... Alex knows his judgment will come soon but...no. Not right now. Within his soldier's jacket he shivers and shakes with sweat forming along his brows. Alex jerks and turns in his state of being as he tries not to yell. Last thing he needs is for the creatures to come find him.

"Nn... Josh...I'm sorry..." He murmurs within his sleep as he does in the mind as well. So deep rooted is his sleep that he doesn't know what is going on out of his sleep. "Josh... For-- For..give..." Alex whimpers sadly as he does so. The hatred was so intense within that even after his father asked forgiveness. Alex remembers it well... The sound of the Knife dragging on the ground. The metalic melody of torture coming to you so slowly in that walk. He saw it then... That which would be his own when it finds him. The pyramid shaded helm and that bloodied white body coming right there and then -- ! "Aaaah!" Alex wakes suddenly before he could revisit that awful sight of his father's death.

He rubs at his face with sweat palms and groans. The nightmares just keep coming back and that must be some sort of painful torture already! Why couldn't they just let him dwell on his pain? Alex shakes his head and runs fingers through his short brown hair. How can anyone stand it here anymore? After all was said and done and people escaped but he -- Alex stayed behind. How could he leave this which was his place to be and the judgment he would receive? Brown eyes look to the side at the windows near where he sat. No one knows what time it is exactly here... The damned clocks all stopped and here Alex wonders if it is not or day. How can you tell!? Quietly Alex crawls to the side away from the windows and dares a peek out to see what exactly swirls within the fog. The creatures here were horrible! It seemed to get real quiet at times before something would stir. Alex grabs up the pistol and checks how much ammo he has now. Not like he could stop the dreaded judgment of his fate but for the others -- yea.

He takes a stand slowly with a stretch and walks over to grab a bag of chips and opens it up. "Maybe something on my stomach will settle my rattled nerves. This is insane..." Alex grabs a few and munches on them as quiet as he could. Eating chips weren't the best food to eat quietly. "I know I can't wait out here forever... He'll find me then. I have to scatter."

Today as in the morning, I was like "THEHELL! IT'SFUCKINGCOLD!" I had on a sweater on which is a night one. And pants. Though those pants weren't all that warm taking. Plus my socks that were supposed to be there to keep my feet warm. I HATE having to get up around 5 to let a stupid dog out to use the bathroom. Then there is like the same sound around eight while I'm trying to sleep. I usually take the dogs out before bed. IF YOU DON'T USE THE DAMN BATHROOM OUTSIDE, TOUGH SHIT. That's how I feel about it. I mean, on top of it, it is blustery outside and COLD. My heart DOESN'T need that shit. I'm heaving and weezing while pulling a damn dog around who won't listen to me.

Okay, on another topic~, today has actually be alright for me. I thank my sweety for that. He always makes me smile in the morning while I lay there with him. He shows a lot of love and care like last night. I was about to pass out from waiting for my food but it came out good. And with CAKE! Not just any cake...Publix's cakes. Sweet! I have clean clothes to wear around now and got them out just after being in the drier. Then I took my shower I needed. Aaah, yes. It feels so good to take a hot shower. Now I am clean and sparkly after the shower. And thankfully, I washed my hair yesterday. So now I'm warm and clean. Now if only my stomach would behave. Plus, I miss my sweety right now! ;~;

Things have gone back to the semi-normal here as I now can open the door to the bathroom. I need to clean the floor. Somehow get a new curtain like the old one for it. Since the dog tore that one. I need cleaning items for my bathroom. SERIOUSLY. I do. I like to have a clean bathroom so I can step along out onto the floor without worrying if some animal pissed or shit on it. Excuse the language. The create is down stairs and now even though she whines for me to let her out, she's still eased. Things are looking a bit better now. Now if only the roof can be fixed soon. More rain is coming. x.x;

Plus, I am thankful for my love and his care for me. Even if he can't help me inside here, he does all he can for me. I'm glad. I would do the same for him and more because I love him.

Thanks to all my friends who care for me too. You all are a major part of my life. Like my sweety.

So here I am after working on Subeta and thinking of what to get him. I got him a few surprises. I need to save up more money as I'm down a good bit from my last amount. I need to work up enough tokens as well for shops. I got to have costumers. I feel complete as I got him enough things. I hope he enjoys what I got him as well.

My dog is getting on my last nerve as she messes up my bathroom. I'm going to smack the shit out of her if she doesn't stop. She's trying to fuck up my toilet. I'm like "FUCK NO! GET DOWN. BAD." I'm so livid with her and your bad behavior and I know she's a pup but she's older than this other we have here. SHE KNOWS BETTER. I'm so angry. I am mad partly at my dad for not thinking of a good way to get her out. Get a damned CRATE for her. My gods!

Anyway, so, I'm here waiting for him to come back from class and I left a little hint for him on IMs. -Smiles.- While he doesn't yet know of surprises, I've been working on Palace avatars. Sprites. Yep! KoF sprites. Last night we tested things out and it was a riot. I had Ash doing the chicken dance in his own way. I still need to fix up more Duo and Ash sprites. But today, I began working on Shen sprites. If someone who loved me as family or something could help and buy me some server for Palace for at least three months, I could run my own palace for our kind.

I'm hungry and I don't know what to eat. Someone show me to the food. Please.

I want to tell every single one of you who are such political people out there...

I don't give a fuck about who got this or that!! DON'T rub it in my face or others who doesn't really care for this shit!

That rant discludes my love and a few others. I know he's feeling bad as it is right now. I wish I could make things better for him right now. I do~.


On the other hand stuff, I wake up and have like six hours and thirty minutes on sleep. I really could use a Monster drink right about here. I need some food in my system. I see we have cupcakes too. I tried to eat one last night but eh... Cleaning dishes took over. Man... I wish they would do something about MY dog. She doesn't need to be in the damn bathroom all the time! >< Fucking dad is taking forever to even get ME a heater for down here at nights. And a crate for her!

Ah yes. Life is grand on those days when things look good. Today is one of those days despite a headache from a stupid pup. I feel better with the pills and now hungry.

I've been cutting up and letting my sweety hear my voice and singing along with some voices of the characters. I too must agree that my Juan was just too much. I couldn't stop laughing. Though through all, I sounded so feminine. >< I have such a girly voice. Gah! But as long as he likes, I don't mind. I just want him to be happy. I know I am happy with him too.

I now need some foods. So don't be icked if I say tuna. Cause that is what I'm getting. And did I mention I'm a horny little thing? >>;; I mean... I like a few things along with sex. Oh my! -Flees!-

Today is much better but I'm still a little sad. My hair is now clean as I have washed it. Sparkle. Sparkle.

I hope they hurry up with the new Silent Hill game. I want the music so bad. If it's like the others, I'm sure it'll be awesome. Mmmm. Silent Hill. I wonder how bad they'll fuck up the new Silent Hill movie that is going to be coming out. I woke up too early. I just got reminded that daylight savings ends today so I got all in all like five and not six hours? I'm confuzzled. -Rubs back of neck.- I blame it on the damn dogs.

Yesterday when I had to feed and give water to the older dog, I noticed how bad she is. It makes me sad to see her in that shape. I wonder why my father is waiting and not help her ease her pain. Sure she still is full of energy for an old dog with many issues on her back, but she is suffering. Oi.

I need to work on more fictions. When I try to start one I end up stopping for some reason. I have to be in that mind set, I suppose. I have to continue a few for another thing. The Dream Observations and late Halloween ones. x.x

I don't know sometimes... I get so down about random things. Then my mind spirals off into the thought that I could die any day here or later. It kills me more thinking on it. I feel myself die a little each time with it. I think about those I care about and the one I love. I think...

"Is it worth it to be with me? I don't want you sad..." I want to make myself hurt and forget this thought. But it's wrong to do that. I do it when I'm so down like this. Even my friends who came over can't seem to...help. I'm a failure at a human life. Ill. Dying...

I was told to never think this way. But it happens... It hurts when I do. I cry and I can't stop. My chest hurts so much. It's so tense and it's like squeezing. I love him so much. I love him and my heart aches for him. But it also slows and keeps that same old beat. Alex...Alex... Alex is nothing more than a waste. But his heart and soul belongs to the one he loves.

Save me...

I don't know why but I woke up with a headache this morning. I had to wake up three times for different things. Then my chest each time was tight and it felt funny. I woke up finally and took some pills for the headache. This time with juice. It doesn't really mess up things with juice. Only cokes. x.x

I hope everyone had a good Halloween. I know I did. From talking to my sweety on here and cutting up. Then letting the kids out there dish it out on candy grabs. Then my step came home with candy and it became our candy. We celebrated and watched Ghost Hunters Live and told scary stories to each other before bed. Over all, it was a pretty good Halloween.

I like what I've done to it. And I'm hoping everyone has a good Halloween. I know I will. Inside and not giving the candy. It's not the same when you are away from the usual crowd of friends.

Akihiko Is Not Alone

Disclaimers: Talk by Coldplay. Game: All characters and places are property of Atlus.












Cold nights alone in bed can be the worst for anyone who had someone special. The strong can break and the tough will crumble over time. It doesn't matter who you are... The pain without that person can be unbearable. Shinjiro thinks it over while he lays upon the cold bed he sleeps on. He regrets he didn't have enough time for his best friend and special someone. The time he has now is all he has to share with. The brunette stares up at the ceiling of his room and his mind cranks out the images of what could possibly happen. Somewhere in his mind...a song picks up. He shuts those eyes of his and cringes. Akihiko will take it hard. People who did not know him will be saddened by this... Best way to go down is with a battle. He sits up on his bed and peers through fingers at the door.


"Oh brother... I can't, I can't get through. I've been trying hard to reach you.... Cause I don't know what to do." He whispers the words into the room. His mind plays it out as Akihiko saying it to the others of the group. The silver haired teen speaks to everyone in his mind. Though in reality, Shinjiro whispers the words silently. "Oh brother, I can't believe it's true! I'm so scared about the future... And I want to talk to you. Oh, I want to talk to you." The motion picture inside his mind displays Akihiko singing the words to the group while placing a hand over his chest. A hurt look crosses that face of his while he speaks. Everyone doesn't know how to respond properly.

The distressed teen walks away from the others to escape down the hall. Shinjiro's spirit lingers within the hall watching his Akihiko go. Shinjiro follows silently behind the other. Sometimes no one can understand how he feels... The pictures all haves smiles on them. Maybe they weren't real at all. He holds up the one that calls to his attention. One of his favorites that has Shinjiro and him smiling and having a good time. Why must it end? Shinjiro looks at the picture with a heavy heart. In reality he shakes his head in silence as he did pick that one out for memory. Akihiko sighs heavily while holding the picture close to him. He won't show his real feelings to the others. The stern and busy teen has to keep up his edge.

Shinjiro looks over at the other. The ghostly hand brushes over the covers of the bed. "You can take a picture of something you see...In the future where will I be?" He hums softly to the other. Akihiko unaware of the others spirit within the room. "You can climb a ladder up to the sun... Or write a song that nobody has sung, or do something that's never been done~." He whispers to the silver haired teen. Why can't he hear the words?

Akihiko peers to the picture he holds close. Those eyes glisten with a tear or two. The brunette leans close to the others form that lies along the bed. The picture holds a lot of warmth in it for comfort. Is it actually working though? Poor Akihiko suffers the most in this. Silent and strong he falls the hardest. Shinjiro feels a wet feeling upon his cheek in reality. He wipes it away and continues to think while the images play in his head. The spirit can't reach the other... He goes unseen and unheard while his other half suffers quietly. No one even goes to check on him for some reason.

Shinjiro focuses more now as he whispers softly to the other. "Are you lost or incomplete? Do you feel like a puzzle?" He sings softly to the other in question. "You can't find your missing piece..." Oh, he knows that feeling since he suffers too. Akihiko would go on but sadly for a while. The white haired teen looks up suddenly in surprise! He can hear Shinjiro for some reason. "Tell me how you feel~?"

Akihiko whispers back as if he understands all of this. "Well, I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak." He whispers to the spirit that he doesn't even see. "And they're talking it to me..." He heaves a sigh and looks away from the other.

Shinjiro brushes a cold ghostly hand across the others cheek. He wants the other to know he's here in spirit. The brunette frowns and tries to get the other to see. Only way to show is a picture. He goes over and takes the camera up with his all and floats it over to sit beside Akihiko. The white haired male looks at the camera in surprise. How did it get over here? Then he stops everything and looks around the room. Nothing is there but him... He grabs the camera and looks around the room with it.

Shinjiro says to the other within that ghostly sound of his. "You can take a picture of something you see... In the future where will I be?" He looks toward the other who looks a bit confused. "You can climb a ladder up to the sun. Or sing a song that nobody has sung...or do something that's never been done..." He repeats a little louder for the other. The other now hears this and is very worried. "Or do something that's never been done."

Akihiko begins to take pictures of the room all over. The spirit looks on at the other who frantically takes the pictures. Maybe he's getting through to the other this time. Akihiko stops short and looks down at the camera. All out of film and he's wondering now. He looks to his mirror and then around the room. It did feel a bit colder in here than before. He's not exactly a believer in the supernatural or ghosts... He drops to his knees and shakes his head. Shinjiro stands before him in a glow of pale light. The brunette places a hand down to the others head. Akihiko shivers and looks up suddenly to see the others form before him. It doesn't make much sense at the moment to him.

Shinjiro says to him while observing his friend. "So you don't know where you're going... But you want to talk." He kneels down to meet the others gaze. Akihiko blinks a few times and pinches his self to see if this is a dream. "But you feel like you're going where you've been before..." He whispers to the other while Akihiko listens a bit shaken. "You'll tell anyone who will listen...but you feel ignored." Akihiko nods his head to that. The others of the group did that earlier to him. "Nothing is really making sense at all..."

Akihiko finally murmurs to the spirit of Shinjiro. "Let's talk."

Shinjiro echoes to the other. "Let's talk."

"Let's talk..." Akihiko whispers sadly to the spirit.

Shinjiro places a cold hand to the others cheek. "Let's talk."

Shinjiro disappears soon after to leave the other in silence. Akihiko shiver reaching for his blanket. Tears fill his eyes and over run down his cheeks. Silently he cries to his self at just thinking of what just happened. Why didn't Shinjiro stay longer for him? This all is too much for him at the moment. What would anyone think? He's mad? He sighs quietly rubbing the tears away from his eyes. He grabs a picture that he just made and looks at it. In disbelief he looks to a picture where he can see the spirit of Shinjiro settled at his side on the bed. He keeps the picture hidden from others but close to him. Maybe Shinjiro wanted to let him know that where ever he goes...he isn't alone. He stands up and goes over to the bed with two pictures in hand.

Shinjiro in reality falls asleep with a few tears falling silently. The images just don't stop in his mind. This may be what happens when he does go to the beyond. One thing is for sure...he'll be the guardian of Akihiko even if not alive. He'll do what he can to protect his missing piece. Until then, Shinjiro sleeps on the bed till the next day. Thoughts circle around his Akihiko silently once more.

There is always something sad about the streets close to the school. The people there always treat you like crap unless you were stronger. One of those people happens to be the person Akihiko needs to see. It has been too long since he’s seen the other teen. The two were at a turning point and the tides turn. Akihiko looks up to find the brunette under a light post. Hands in pockets and head hung. Something tells Akihiko that Shinjiro is in pain. He walks up to the other to confront Shinjiro.

Akihiko steps in front of the other with a serious look. “A turning tide… Lovers at a great divide!” He points to Shinjiro then at his self.

Shinjiro looks up to look down into those eyes of the other. A look upon his own features too. “Hn.”

The silver haired one takes the other’s wrists and tugs him to and from. He means business when he came here. Akihiko gives a determined sound and shoves Shinjiro back against the wall. The brunette blinks looking to the other in disbelief. Something is up if Akihiko thinks he can push the other around. He needs to stop the other from continuing on… The taller teen steps aside and walks on down the alley. Akihiko’s eyes widen at this.

“Why’d you laugh?” Akihiko points out to Shin about when the other snickered. His features tense. “When I know you…hurt inside….” His head lowers while singing to the other. The determined teen sighs heavily. “And why did you say…?”

Shinjiro shakes his head at the other while waving a hand in a dismissive manner. The brunette brushes the other off while walking again. Akihiko clenches his hands into balls of fist and rushes towards the other teen. He would not let Shinjiro brush him off! They may be at a standalone point in the relationship but still…! He pushes Shinjiro forward a little and looks up to the other.

The taller teen takes his hands out of those pockets and looks behind him. “It’s just another day… Nothing in my way!” He waves his hand to the other. “I don’t want to go… I don’t want stay…” Shinjiro shakes his head and lowers it. “So there’s nothing left to say…”

Akihiko narrows his eyes at the other. Of course there is something wrong here! The other is lying about something… He could tell. “And why’d you lie~!” Akihiko takes Shinjiro by the shoulders and shakes the other a bit. “When you want to die…! When you hurt inside! Don’t know why you lie for anyway…” He sighs heavily to notice the other’s look. “Now there’s nothing left to say…”

The two stand there for the longest time in silence. Akihiko needs to make a point for the other. His lover is in turmoil and won’t speak up about it. This always troubles him when Shinjiro brushes him away. The silver haired teen shakes his head and punches the other in the gut. Frustration consumes Akihiko as he stands there fighting tears. The taller frowns and steps back in pain. He gasps a little for air before looking to the side. There he goes again with brushing Akihiko off. The shorter looks to the other with an angry look.

Akihiko points to Shinjiro while trying to make his point. “A tell-tale sign…” The younger gives a sigh in frustration. “You don’t know where to draw the line!”

Once again the other teen walks away from him. Shinjiro would hold off on telling anyone about his issues. The other should know part of it… He just doesn’t want to have the other worry too much. Though now it seems pointless since Akihiko is worried to no end with Shin. It would hurt even more if the older teen told the other. A lie indeed about nothing wrong. The pack of pills in his coat pocket…

Akihiko yells out to Shinjiro! “And why’d you say…!”

Shin shakes his head and looks up to the darkened sky. “It’s just another day!” His voice wavers on the verge of break down. “Nothing in my way!” He raises his hands into the sky while calling out. “I don’t want to go! I don’t want to stay…!” He tips his head to the side to look over. “So there’s nothing left to say…”

Akihiko looks to the other’s hand that reaches within the pocket. Bingo! The silver haired teen races over to the other and grabs that wrist. He pulls the hand away from the pocket and gives a squeeze to make a point. Shin hides something in that pocket… Shin looks to the other with a look of shame. Though…he once again will brush the other away to save Akihiko from the truth. But it always will hurt…to be lied to and the truth. He hangs his head and steps away pulling the hand away.

Akihiko grabs the other’s hand and looks up to Shin ready to say something. “And why’d you lie~…” He reaches over to the other grabbing the coat. He can feel the odd shape inside the pocket. Realization hits him hard. “When you want to die! When you hurt…INSIDE!” He points to the other’s chest and shakes. “Don’t know why you lie anyway…! Now there’s nothing left to say…”

The older teen looks down at the ground with a stern look. Stubborn bastard he is… Akihiko grabs
Shin by the shoulders and sighs trying to calm down from his anger. The two stand there like so for a long few minutes. Akihiko braces his self for the truth of it all. He reaches inside the pocket to find the pack of pills. Shin glances up and shakes his head. The pack is revealed. Eyes widen in shock at what they are… This is the same pill that those of Strega take! He looks up to Shin as his jaw drops. Now the tears well up in his eyes… Shin takes the pack and shrugs his shoulders.

Akihiko growls lowly and watches his lover. “Well for a lonely soul… You’re having such a nice TIME!”

Shinjiro snaps his head to the side and waves it off.

Akihiko steps closer to the other and punches him once again. “For a lonely soul… You’re having such a nice time!” He punches Shin again in the gut. This way he won’t be crying a stream of tears. “For a lonely soul… It seems you’re having such a nice TIME!”

Shin shrugs his shoulder and takes the hits from the other. That’s right, Aki. He didn’t care what the other did to him right now. He knows he deserved this treatment. He’s such an ass to the other. Shin should not have lied to Aki for the sake of their love. But then again… They were at a standalone point in the relationship.

Akihiko knows what this all meant too. Even when the pain of this realization wears off…his Shin is dying. The younger shakes in fear of this realization. “You’re having…such a nice…time.” His voice barely above a whisper.

“Just…” Shin begins to speak to the other.

Akihiko shakes his head at the other. He didn’t want to hear it… “For a lonely soul… You’re
having such a nice TIME…”

“…Another day…” Shin tries to speak up in this. “Nothing in my WAY! … I…”

Akihiko turns from the other and starts to walk away. “For a lonely soul…” His voice not even above a whisper now. “You’re having such a nice…time…”

Shin sighs and kicks at the ground while whispering the words. “…Don’t want to go. I don’t want to stay… Just…”

Akihiko stops short to give one last look to his lover for now. He’ll come back once he’s calm and cool again. “For a lonely soul… It seems you’re having such a nice time…”

“…Another day… Nothing in my way!” Shin calls out to the other. “Don’t know why lie for…”

Aki looks to him at that and turns off to walk away. He was lying to his self about it. Denial.
“You’re having such a nice time…”

Shinjiro struggles to stay calm with a whisper. “Anyway…”

So anyway, I have been away from things for a while. I'm still iffy on it since I will be getting a computer soon. I need to check my Y!Gallery soon. I'm sure there are like tons of pictures and such in there I need to look at. Music from the game has inspired me to write a new fiction. I'm so proud of it too.

In other news, I hope everything and one is alright that I know in GA. I heard about the nasty weather. I too had my share of it this morning. It's over with thankfully. And it is a beautiful afternoon. Perfect.

Also, Subeta is fun stuff. I'm so addicted to it and when I get my new computer, I'll be able to play my Sims and Wizardry 8 on it. Soon, I can check into getting Morrowind too. I got more down on the fiction as it is coming a bit slowly along but good. It's going to cover a good amount of ground for him.

See you all later!

It be the new year and I bring it in with a damned cold! What the hell is that?! It's shit.

Anyway...


Happy New Years everyone! I hope your parties or fun were all awesome! <33

Ever since Christmas and before, I have been busy but sick. My poor body is having a fit from this. It was the stomach flu first off. I think I caught it from my friend. Who knows what you get from work. Before that, I was feeling a bit light headed and all. Now it is New Years eve and I have a nasty case of the sore throat. I can't swallow anything without it hurting! x.x; My voice is shot! -Cries.-

I missed seeing those I wanted to on here for Christmas. When at my mom's, she keeps me where she knows I should be. In bed. I'm working Christmas fictions for those I promised but ever slowly. I finally finished one for a special friend. I am pleased that I did finish it off before tomorrow. I hope he likes it. He can find it on Y!Gallery. ^^;;

I hope everyone has a good New Years. I will try to have a good one myself. Love you guys! <3

I am not happy AT all. Reason is because I have been denied my Christmas gift from my OWN father. GODS. I am so pissed and let down right now... It's horrible. It's all I want for Christmas. But he's all I can't afford it right now. Blah blah blah. FUCK OFF! >< It just makes me so angry.. I really need a new computer. I even told him the cons of this one I'm on now. Why must people be such bastards. He started the whole 'You don't even have a job' shit thing. GODS!

I told my one friend I would be down if denied this wish. So by gods, I am depressed as fuck.